The Art of Courtship

The process of courtship is an endeavor that most men hope to eventually engage in. The problem is that a lot of men have no idea about how to proceed down the road of courtship. I think most men make the process too difficult. So, I suggest the following plan of attack to keep things as simple as possible.

There are many ways that a man could initiate the process of courtship. The way I see it though, there is only one way to start out, and that is by saying to a female, “I am interested in engaging in the process of courtship with you. Do you accept this offer?” After she says “Yes”, as this is a statement that is sure to pull at the heartstrings of any female, you need to decide quickly how to respond. Since simple is the way to go, I suggest going with one of three options. (The only way that you could get a response of “No” is if the female is already in a relationship. To make sure this doesn’t happen, take a quick glance at her left hand. If the left ring finger is clear, you then just need to determine whether or not she has a boyfriend. If you are confident that she doesn’t have a boyfriend, I suggest going straight to the proposition listed above. If you are not confident, I suggest using a subtle lead-in question such as “Do you expect that a man will place jewelry on your left hand anytime soon?” to give you a little more information about whether or not she has a boyfriend.)

If you think this is a classy lady looking for a classy gentleman, respond, “Excellent. You can expect a cellist, roses, and eggs benedict at sunrise.” A few more months of classiness like this and you will surely be on the way to your local jewelry store my friend.

A more laid-back female might find the statement in the last paragraph to be a classic example of “coming on too strong” and in rare cases could get you a restraining order. So, for the more laid-back female that might not be looking for a serious relationship right away, respond, “Cool, cool. I’ll catch you later baby.” (Hand female your phone number as you say this and then promptly walk away.) This may seem like a risk because she will have your phone number and you will not have her number. But trust me, in a couple of days, you will get a text asking, “What are you up to?” You will respond to this by saying, “Just playing it cool baby. You know my style.” A few more weeks of texting where you use “baby” and “cool” plenty of times and Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” will surely be off her playlist my friend. (It should be noted that even the most laid-back female might be bothered by the fact that she never actually sees you and wondering why you are always “playing it cool.” If you sense that this is the case, send a text saying, “Baby, you’re so hot, I can’t help but play it cool.” This text is sure to set your relationship back on track.)

So far we have covered the extreme ends of the spectrum. Let’s finish by covering what to do when you encounter a female that falls somewhere in the middle. With the midrange female, you will want to respond, “Great. Would you like to go to a malt shop?” After she responds “Yes”, as this is a proposition that any midrange female will find hard to resist, you may think that you have gotten past the difficult part. However, it is not the 1950s. So, finding a genuine malt shop can be difficult. (Trust me, Dairy Queen and Culver’s just don’t work.) There is no doubt in my mind that the lack of malt shops has derailed many a man’s chances with a midrange female. Once you find that malt shop though, you will certainly be on one knee in only a few months my friend.

Now that you have been enlightened on the finer points of courtship, get out there and make it happen. And remember, always take a peek at the left hand and always keep a list of the closest malt shops in your pocket. (It doesn’t hurt to know a good cellist either.)

Northeast Minnesota Nine-Hole Gems: Silver Bay Golf Course

The first time Silver Bay Golf Course and I crossed paths was in 2004. However, I truly became smitten with this nine-hole layout set in the hills just a few miles from the coast of Lake Superior in 2011 when I played it for a second time. I was smitten not just because the course is in a beautiful setting, but because it really is a well-kept, solid test of golf. Since it had been a few years since I had played Silver Bay, I decided that it was time to get back to there.

Much like The Retreat in Floodwood, Silver Bay Golf Course doesn’t seem to be overly busy, which always makes for an enjoyable round. The first hole is a solid par four that bends just slightly to the right. The best play on this hole is to aim down the left side of the fairway as the right rough slopes steeply down and to the right making for an awkward lie and stance. The par three second requires a well struck mid or short iron to a green that is guarded by bunkers. There is a steep slope behind this green that propels any shot hit long into the woods. So, when in doubt, choose the shorter club. After the second hole a golfer needs to take a little bit of a walk past the clubhouse and first tee to get to the third. The third tee box is set well above the fairway for this par four that bends from right to left and provides a beautiful view of most of the rest of the golf course as well as of the surrounding hills. The bold play is to cut the corner of the dogleg with a driver, which requires one to hit over a pond. A well struck tee ball could give a golfer a chance of driving the green. The safer play is to hit an iron or fairway wood down the fairway. With this approach off the tee, a golfer needs to be careful to not go down the left side of the fairway because this could leave one with an obstructed view of the green due to trees on the corner of the dogleg. The fourth is what I would call a “quirky” par five. It is only 432 yards, which is just seven yards longer than the fifth, a par four. But, it plays well up hill and bends to the right at almost a ninety degree angle. To be able to advance a ball reasonably far on the second shot, a golfer needs to hit his tee ball down the left. The right side is not terrible though since it is such a short par five. On my second nine, I found out first hand that one can only hit a short pitch shot up the hill from the right rough, but this still leaves a golfer with only a short iron or wedge in hand. As was alluded to before, the fifth is a somewhat long par four at 425 yards. It plays downhill though and bends from right to left. The ideal play is to hit over the trees on the left and shave off some of the dogleg. Long hitters need to be careful not to hit their ball too long as the Beaver River, which meanders through the course crossing initially in front of the fourth tee, cuts across this hole about 273 yards from the tee. (The really long hitter might be able to carry the river though.) The sixth is a straight par five that plays uphill. The Beaver River cuts across this hole as well. However, as long as a golfer puts a halfway decent strike on the ball, the river should be carried easily. The seventh hole is a straight par four that runs parallel, in the opposite direction, to the previous hole. It is not too long. So, the best play is to hit an iron down the fairway which leaves only a short iron or wedge approach. The eighth is a shorter par three that plays over the river (Barring an absolutely terrible shot, the river should not come into play here either), and has a green that is guarded by a couple of bunkers. With a short iron in hand, a golfer should be able to attack the pin on this par three. The finisher at Silver Bay is a stout par four that plays straight away. It is also probably the tightest hole off the tee, which can make club choice difficult (Not for me, as I automatically choose the safe route of iron off the tee. During my last round it didn’t hurt me though as I went birdie-par on my two nines. I should mention that it was playing down wind and my birdie was a chip-in, but nevertheless). However, a finishing hole should force a golfer to prove his merit one last time, and the ninth at Silver Bay certainly does that.

When all is accounted for, I have to say that Silver Bay is my favorite nine-hole course. Not just because of the beautiful setting which includes the surrounding hills as well as the Beaver River, but because it is a well-maintained layout that examines a golfer’s abilities both physical and mental. It has holes that are tough, holes that give a golfer a chance to score, and holes that present risk-reward opportunities. It really is the complete package. So, if you ever find yourself playing golf on the North Shore with Superior National presumably as the focus of your trip, make sure to make stop at Silver Bay Golf Course. Also, if you live in the greater Duluth area, a day trip to just play Silver Bay is not a bad idea either.

Course Statistics for 18 Holes (Blue Tees):

Length: 6346 yards Par: 72 Rating: 70.8 Slope Rating: 128